I believe in being transparent, in being vulnerable, in being real. This post is going to be all of that, so be prepared. With news and talk of the recent abortion laws, I have struggled inwardly over whether I should even have a voice or an opinion on this topic. Everyone around me has been very vocal about their opinions and rightfully so. It is a terrible law; I have always believed that babies deserve a shot at life and have been adamantly pro-life.
Every time I think I should voice that opinion, a little voice inside me stops me and reminds me that I was once put in a position to make that choice, and I didn’t choose life. Guilt then floods over me, and I snap my mouth closed.
I have posted once before about my history – I wrote an essay for my English class a few semesters ago. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret that terrible, horrific decision but at the same time, should I allow a decision that a scared, stupid young kid made over ten years ago define my opinion and view today? I would argue that because of that decision, I can relate more to women who are now facing that decision and I can share my story and plead each babies’ case for them.
A 2004 study by the Guttmacher Institute found that the reasons women were having abortions most frequently cited were that having a child would interfere with a woman’s education, work or ability to care for dependents (74%); that she could not afford a baby now (73%); and that she did not want to be a single mother or was having relationship problems (48%). Nearly four in 10 women said they had completed their childbearing, and almost one-third were not ready to have a child. Fewer than 1% said their parents’ or partners’ desire for them to have an abortion was the most important reason. Younger women often reported that they were unprepared for the transition to motherhood, while older women regularly cited their responsibility to dependents.
It doesn’t matter if it is a month, a year, or ten years later; you will still wake up in the middle of the night and think of that baby and wonder what he/she would be like. There will forever be an emptiness, a void, that you will never be able to fill no matter how much alcohol, pills or drugs you try and throw at it.
I was that less than 1% who chose my partner over my child. Literally the most selfish act I could have ever done, and I didn’t even stay with the lowlife. Now long after, I left him because of resentment and hurt and pain – and no matter how much someone tells you that it isn’t a baby during the first trimester, that it’s just a bundle of cells and DNA – a child’s heart starts beating at 21 days and my baby was 9 weeks old. You might not be ready for a child, you might not even want a child, but there is a woman out there who can’t have children and she desperately wants a child.
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