We all have that one friend who tends to be a one-upper. While accomplishments are worth talking about, how far is too far? There is a fine line between patting yourself on the back and metaphorically shining your gold trophies at any given moment. Life is super hard enough without someone comparing their good deeds and accomplishments to their circle of friends.
I recently had a friend tell me that she didn’t think a job position that I applied for would pay more than $30,000-$35,000 a year; while that may not seem like a lot of money to her, I am currently unemployed and anything sounds better than what I am currently making. I know this friend makes a lot more money than I could ever dream of making, but in the same token, there are some things that are best left unsaid.
It is not always easy learning how to deal with a friend who brags - you still want to be friends with this person which is why you try to understand how to overlook and combat their need to brag. Are they seeking attention? Are they so insecure that they feel the need to constantly talk about themselves and what they have done? Do they even realize that they are doing any of this? I think, for the most part, we don’t always know how we sound to others.
While I can get aggravated at the comment made about the job I applied for, I can also see where that friend wasn’t meaning anything malicious by it. She may have just been comparing her financial situation to mine and $35,000 a year might not be enough for her family and lifestyle. It is sometimes easy to forget, however, that criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting.
I am reminded by a quote that I once read that said “If you have to brag about all of the material things in your life, there probably isn’t much else to it.” It is so easy to fall into the shallowness of material things and makes me take a good, long, hard look at myself. Have I ever sounded like a little Miss Goodie Two Shoes to any of my friends? Have I ever said to one of my direct sales team mates that I know is struggling: “OMG, I just sold $200 worth of jewelry!” Or “I just recruited someone - and I didn’t even have to ask them! They randomly messaged me!” While that is a huge accomplishment in direct sales, how is that going to make the other team mate feel? Is that person going to genuinely feel good that I did that, or is a part of her going to feel a tad bit annoyed that I sought her out just to tell her about my accomplishments?
There is a difference between bragging and the desire to share something positive with others. Sharing what’s good sustains mutually empowering relationships. Usually the difference between bragging and sharing is easy to ascertain because sharing is only part of the relationship: it never dominates.
I will close with a quote from one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis:
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself: it is thinking of yourself less.”
Be kind, and stay humble my friends.
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