ANOTHER JOURNAL ENTRY | Katie Huntley

It has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of life. I learned everything is temporary; moments, feelings, people, flowers... I learned that love is about giving, everything, and letting it hurt. I learned vulnerability is always the right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so very difficult to remain soft. I learned all things come in twos: life and death, pain and joy, salt and sugar, me and you... it is a balance of the universe. It has been a year of hurting so bad but living so good, making friends out of strangers, making strangers out of friends. I learned that when mint chocolate chip can't fix things, there will always be my mother's arms. We must learn to focus on warm energy, always soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the world: for if we can't be kind to each other, how will we ever learn to be kind to the most desperate parts of ourselves? Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Grace. Something I’ve been learning over and over lately. It’s an incredible thing. It’s also a remarkably difficult feeling to hold. It’s completely against human nature to want to love someone when I know the feeling won’t be reciprocated. I want revenge. I want them to suffer. I want them to feel the way I feel. I rarely admit to myself that revenge and suffering is what I want for someone who hurts me, but regardless of what I admit or don’t admit, the feeling is there. Then I take a look at my own heart. A heart which wants to induce revenge on another isn’t exactly deserving of love either. Elyse Fitzpatrick once said “Not one of us is more worthy of God’s love than the other. And if God graded on a curve (which he doesn’t), Jesus ruined that.” It’s an all or nothing type of deal here. Either I’m perfect (which I’m not) or I’m a wretched sinner in need of God’s grace. When I’m mistreated, when I feel unloved, when someone hurts me–I need to realize that my heart is just as full o...

My dad was one of the most incredible men in my life. He was always my biggest supporter, the most incredible source of inspiration and all about giving out life lessons. Dad had, in my opinion, a rough upbringing which led to him running away from home when he was 16 and joining the Merchant Marines. And I am so very grateful for what he went through, because it made him who he was, and being an amazing dad was just a portion of that. For the record, my mom’s pretty damn incredible, too ― but since Father’s Day just happened, I want to pay tribute to my dad and all the important life lessons he taught me over the years (most of which, I didn’t really pay attention to until I was much older). He taught me the meaning of respect, both giving and receiving. He taught me that independence comes with responsibility, and he allowed me to learn that the hard way. He taught me many lessons in responsibility through raising and caring for animals (mainly horses). He taught me to ...

As Father’s Day fast approaches, I have started feeling more and more emptiness, because there is such a huge void in my life, in my mother’s life and my siblings… it has taken me a long time…weeks even…to finally allow these emotions to surface. When my dad was first diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer, I spent the first couple of months researching the outcome. It wasn’t good. I accepted that he was dying but I couldn’t accept that I might not have a year with him. After each doctor appointment, where we continuously got bad news, I turned from being hopeful to being quietly realistic. On the outside, I tried being hopeful for my family’s sake, but the more I learned about the disease, it was evident that we didn’t have years. I shifted my research and began studying what it would be like when my dad would start actively dying. Maybe that is a morbid way of looking at things, but I have always wanted to be prepared. In my head, the more I knew, the less it would hurt when ...

I died last night… in my dream, shot point blank in the face. Most unexpected and with no prelude to death, a stranger simply appearing before me with a gun in a public place. I had no time to react or resist. Only a split second of shock at the realization of what was happening before they pulled the trigger. And I died then. My body below me, crumpled and marred. An empty shell that once housed my life. I’ve never died before, so I didn’t really know what to expect. I suppose I thought things would go black but they didn’t. Somehow, I watched the violence and carnage continue as the shooter picked his next victims. My friend, a stranger… I watched them fall. I waited for the horror I must be feeling at the scene in front of me, or the fear that accompanies danger but I felt only one thing… peace. And I was momentarily baffled. Why didn’t I feel sadness or anger or terror? This was wrong, so very wrong! How could I feel tranquility in the face of such tragedy?? And sudd...

If there was a word for each day, today’s would be “disgruntled”… unreasonable a close second. One of those days where I don’t feel like smiling or being jovial. I just want to simmer in my sullen, slovenly mess. There’s work to be done. Website to update, products to add, photos to upload.... And if not any of that, there’s always floors to vacuum, clothes to launder and the untidy things that need to be, well… tidied. And I want to say piss off to all of it, adding that emoji with the tongue sticking out just to help drive home the point. I could make myself power through, drawing deep from my willpower, pull myself up by my bootstraps and do them anyways. But today, that’s not what I want to do. Today, I want my grumble and scowl and waste my day doing things that are completely and utterly useless. I want to make a nest on the couch so deep and wide I need help extracting myself from it. Not fireman rescuing a kitten from a tall branch kind of help, but the I’ve s...

Recently I have felt the pressure to be more than who I am to other people; to be someone they think I should be. I find myself tip-toeing around certain people so as not to say or do the “wrong thing” that might make them upset or God forbid, offend them. The past few months I’ve done a lot of thinking and soul searching and I’ve come to the conclusion that life is too short, and I am going to be unapologetically me from now on. This is a monumental shift from the girl who cared what everyone thought of her, wanting to be accepted and loved by everyone – to not caring so much about what others think, in fact, not at all! Learning to love myself and to not feel guilty about it, was a long, tough journey that required healing from the inside out. Self-love is not selfish, it’s the complete opposite, and it is as vital as the air we breathe. This was not an easy concept for me to grasp, especially being a people pleaser, but it was absolutely necessary to learn. Overtime I h...

My Not-So-Little Nuggets, I don’t think I truly experienced amazement until I watched you create your own world out of cardboard boxes and old toys. The light in your eyes and the unwavering belief that your world was alive is an experience in itself. The day I became your Aunt, a maternal instinct clicked in my body. With each growth spirt I heard remnants of my Mom’s worry in my voice. The mini-heart attacks over you stumbling as you learned to walk, the heartbreak I felt over skinned knees, the absolute pride that swept through my body at your school events was unsurmountable - even if I had to watch them via video because I couldn’t be there in person. I can never put into words the amazing light that you have brought into my life. The things I’ve learned about myself watching you grow is infinite. You’ve taught me the meaning of unconditional love, the virtue of patience, and shown me the level of pride I never knew I could showcase. The best thing you’ve given me is the title you...

My husband and I are always down to go road-tripping and the past couple of weekends we have caught the need-to-get-out-of-town bug. Now, we are currently a one-income family so we never go do extravagant things on these road trips, but it is the simple things that make them the most meaningful. Our first trip was a day-trip to Fredericksburg - our favorite place ever. We have dreams of one day buying a place and moving there because there is nothing more rustic, raw and beautiful than the Texas Hill Country. We stopped by our favorite winery , and then our eyes caught a glimpse of the Magnolia Pearl . It is this beautiful, old house that has been restored and turned into a clothing boutique that specializes in vintage wearables that are considered works of art (literally, a tattered t-shirt was $99). After the shell-shock of those price tags, we went to downtown and walked the sidewalks popping into our favorite shops and I al...