One day, I woke up and I was bombarded by the realization that I am in the middle of my twenties. I don't know when the hell that happened, but apparently it has. I have thus been forced to start practicing this word that has been thrown around by other, older, people for years: responsibility.
Word on the street is, once you hit your mid-twenties, it's basically expected of you that you need to start your quest to becoming a contributing and useful member of society. I suppose this transition is to happen sometime shortly after the end of one's college years (please note: this timeline can vary vastly, since I still not sure if I want to finish college). Regardless, it seems that at some point, one should put away the dorm beer posters and put up art deco from Target, and stop including mid-day naps into one's daily schedule (granted, this can be tragic at times).
So, I guess I'm sort of there... or maybe I'm working on it. I have a job and a place to live, and a car I use to get from said job to said place to live. I have some education under my belt, and I generally function well among other "adults"; I tend to think I'm doing fairly well on my own.
Still. There are some things I have encountered on my quest to adulthood that I cannot seem to conquer. No matter how hard I try, I am completely and utterly unable to do these things without becoming overwhelmed or annoyed, or a combination of both, which leads to the inevitable non-completion of these tasks and completely avoiding them altogether.
In no particular order, they are the following.
1. Ironing clothes.
I still don't understand why people do this. I would rather a) wear the crumpled clothes, or b) wear something else. But to iron? Why? I'm just going to put the shirt and/or pants on, sit in them all day, and get the item wrinkled all over again. To go through the trouble of getting the shirt, finding the ironing board and iron, filling it up with water (I still don't know why I do this, I've never used the water-usage function), wait for it to heat up, actually go through the whole ironing process.... It's stupid. Also, I have burned holes in things.
2. Successful grocery shopping.
This has always been a challenge for me. I love food. I get excited to see all the food. I get so excited about all the food, I buy whatever looks delicious. This leads to my purchasing things that are entirely appetizing but completely unrelated and cannot be used together while making some kind of substantial meal, e.g. graham crackers, olives, fish sticks, cool whip, Gorgonzola cheese dip (why?) and a spatula.
3. Cooking normal-people meals.
Closely related to my inability to complete the task of "successful grocery shopping", it would only be natural that I am therefore unable to prepare any kind of "meal". I always have good intentions to feed my body healthy and thoughtfully planned out breakfasts, lunches and dinners. But then, in the last precious moments I have before I have to run out the door, I remember to pack a lunch and end up throwing a single serving of frozen brussels sprouts with butter sauce and a granola bar in a plastic bag. Or, I'll be thinking about dinner on my drive to work and vow that when I get home from work, I will create some kind of fabulous pasta dish, or baked chicken with rice pilaf and fresh vegetables. By the end of the day, I realize I do not have chicken and rice pilaf takes 16 minutes too long. So I eat cereal. Or tuna from the can. Or both of these things?
4. Understanding (also, caring) about politics.
The extent of my knowledge and interest in anything politics-related comes directly from skits on Saturday Night Live. Very sorry, but there you have it. As far as I'm concerned, most politicians are rich assholes. A fairly broad blanket statement, but, this is an adult thing that I have no interest in gaining further knowledge about.
5. Learning left from right.
You may say, "WHAT? You're twenty-five and don't know your left from your right?! Fetuses know their left from right." Yeah. To be clear, I DO know my left from right. I WRITE with my RIGHT hand and can make an L with my LEFT hand (with my pointer finger and thumb, yes?). However, this cute little trick to remember usually goes to shit once I'm under pressure, specifically when I am giving directions to others who are operating a vehicle. I suck at giving directions and I tend to panic needlessly while providing them. Knowing left from right is a very important part of giving others directions. If you need directions, you should not ask me for them. Or else you will be very lost.
6. Maintaining composure during situations that are not never funny.
I am famously known for laughing when I should not be laughing, specifically during occasions that generally require a melancholy-kind or serious of presence. Such occasions include, but are not limited to, Christmas Eve service, weddings in a church, job interviews (this happened only once), usually all funerals and wakes, and learning about the unfortunate and strange injuries of others. And it's not just a little chuckle. Something stupid strikes me as intolerably funny and I end up laughing so hard I begin to cry and shake and convulse, so that my makeup runs and people stare, wondering if perhaps I am mentally handicapped.
7. Maintaining my car.
I'm fairly certain that the last time I had my car washed was maybe 6 months ago... I suffer from intense anxiety while going to get my oil changed, even though I work at a car dealership. I avoid getting gas until the absolute last minute, until the point when the gas light has been on for days and my car is probably screaming inside and calling me all sorts of names with every extra mile I go. I don't know why I vehemently avoid anything car maintenance-related. It probably stems from the fact that general car upkeep requires money, and I do not have a lot of money, and so, I do not upkeep.
8. Not having hands that look like they belong to an eight-year old boy.
I've bitten my nails since I'm four. It's a habit I can't shake. No amount of bribery with money, shit-tasting nail polish, fake nails, or pot holders can stop me. I will bite until there is nothing left to bite and I am forced to eat my own hand. I'm fairly aware of the idea that it is possible that there will come a day that someone will place ring on my hand so we can be blissfully wed. But, I wonder if he will put it on my gnarly, ripped up creepy little boy finger? Ew.
Word on the street is, once you hit your mid-twenties, it's basically expected of you that you need to start your quest to becoming a contributing and useful member of society. I suppose this transition is to happen sometime shortly after the end of one's college years (please note: this timeline can vary vastly, since I still not sure if I want to finish college). Regardless, it seems that at some point, one should put away the dorm beer posters and put up art deco from Target, and stop including mid-day naps into one's daily schedule (granted, this can be tragic at times).
So, I guess I'm sort of there... or maybe I'm working on it. I have a job and a place to live, and a car I use to get from said job to said place to live. I have some education under my belt, and I generally function well among other "adults"; I tend to think I'm doing fairly well on my own.
Still. There are some things I have encountered on my quest to adulthood that I cannot seem to conquer. No matter how hard I try, I am completely and utterly unable to do these things without becoming overwhelmed or annoyed, or a combination of both, which leads to the inevitable non-completion of these tasks and completely avoiding them altogether.
In no particular order, they are the following.
1. Ironing clothes.
I still don't understand why people do this. I would rather a) wear the crumpled clothes, or b) wear something else. But to iron? Why? I'm just going to put the shirt and/or pants on, sit in them all day, and get the item wrinkled all over again. To go through the trouble of getting the shirt, finding the ironing board and iron, filling it up with water (I still don't know why I do this, I've never used the water-usage function), wait for it to heat up, actually go through the whole ironing process.... It's stupid. Also, I have burned holes in things.
2. Successful grocery shopping.
This has always been a challenge for me. I love food. I get excited to see all the food. I get so excited about all the food, I buy whatever looks delicious. This leads to my purchasing things that are entirely appetizing but completely unrelated and cannot be used together while making some kind of substantial meal, e.g. graham crackers, olives, fish sticks, cool whip, Gorgonzola cheese dip (why?) and a spatula.
3. Cooking normal-people meals.
Closely related to my inability to complete the task of "successful grocery shopping", it would only be natural that I am therefore unable to prepare any kind of "meal". I always have good intentions to feed my body healthy and thoughtfully planned out breakfasts, lunches and dinners. But then, in the last precious moments I have before I have to run out the door, I remember to pack a lunch and end up throwing a single serving of frozen brussels sprouts with butter sauce and a granola bar in a plastic bag. Or, I'll be thinking about dinner on my drive to work and vow that when I get home from work, I will create some kind of fabulous pasta dish, or baked chicken with rice pilaf and fresh vegetables. By the end of the day, I realize I do not have chicken and rice pilaf takes 16 minutes too long. So I eat cereal. Or tuna from the can. Or both of these things?
4. Understanding (also, caring) about politics.
The extent of my knowledge and interest in anything politics-related comes directly from skits on Saturday Night Live. Very sorry, but there you have it. As far as I'm concerned, most politicians are rich assholes. A fairly broad blanket statement, but, this is an adult thing that I have no interest in gaining further knowledge about.
5. Learning left from right.
You may say, "WHAT? You're twenty-five and don't know your left from your right?! Fetuses know their left from right." Yeah. To be clear, I DO know my left from right. I WRITE with my RIGHT hand and can make an L with my LEFT hand (with my pointer finger and thumb, yes?). However, this cute little trick to remember usually goes to shit once I'm under pressure, specifically when I am giving directions to others who are operating a vehicle. I suck at giving directions and I tend to panic needlessly while providing them. Knowing left from right is a very important part of giving others directions. If you need directions, you should not ask me for them. Or else you will be very lost.
6. Maintaining composure during situations that are not never funny.
I am famously known for laughing when I should not be laughing, specifically during occasions that generally require a melancholy-kind or serious of presence. Such occasions include, but are not limited to, Christmas Eve service, weddings in a church, job interviews (this happened only once), usually all funerals and wakes, and learning about the unfortunate and strange injuries of others. And it's not just a little chuckle. Something stupid strikes me as intolerably funny and I end up laughing so hard I begin to cry and shake and convulse, so that my makeup runs and people stare, wondering if perhaps I am mentally handicapped.
7. Maintaining my car.
I'm fairly certain that the last time I had my car washed was maybe 6 months ago... I suffer from intense anxiety while going to get my oil changed, even though I work at a car dealership. I avoid getting gas until the absolute last minute, until the point when the gas light has been on for days and my car is probably screaming inside and calling me all sorts of names with every extra mile I go. I don't know why I vehemently avoid anything car maintenance-related. It probably stems from the fact that general car upkeep requires money, and I do not have a lot of money, and so, I do not upkeep.
8. Not having hands that look like they belong to an eight-year old boy.
I've bitten my nails since I'm four. It's a habit I can't shake. No amount of bribery with money, shit-tasting nail polish, fake nails, or pot holders can stop me. I will bite until there is nothing left to bite and I am forced to eat my own hand. I'm fairly aware of the idea that it is possible that there will come a day that someone will place ring on my hand so we can be blissfully wed. But, I wonder if he will put it on my gnarly, ripped up creepy little boy finger? Ew.
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